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Common questions & answers about being or having an only child
This is one topic that is close to my heart as I am an adult only child who has an only child by choice. I’m not sure why, but so many people are bewildered by the idea of wanting an only and wonder if it’s ok. They have many questions if they are considering having an only, if they are unable to have another child, or if they come from a larger family and can’t imagine what it’s like. These are a few of the most frequently asked questions I’ve heard. Hope it helps. Will our child be lonely while growing up?
I think all children, not just onlies, go through periods of feeling lonely. I do not think an only child will automatically feel more lonely than any other child. It depends on their personality, their interests, and how involved their parents are in making sure their child has opportunities for interaction.
Was I particularly lonely? No! I was very lucky in that I had a best friend who lived right next door to me. She had 1 older sister and sometimes the 3 of us would play together, sometimes just the two of us. I also lived in the most amazing neighborhood with kids of all ages in every house. In the warm weather we would all be outside riding bikes, roller skating, trading stickers...whatever. I was always in extra curricular activities. I started dance lessons at the age of 4 and continued until I graduated high school. I took art lessons, played sports, and went to camp. I was in school clubs, so many clubs...and I was in drama/chorus ect. Sure there were days when I had nothing to do, when no one could come over, and I had no where to go. But when I was little my parents would play with me...board games and "restaurant" and hide and seek, we would make forts out of the couch or boxes, do art projects...they were really good with that. As I got older I could occupy myself. I wrote songs and plays, painted and liked to draw, played on my computer, watched TV.
Will he or she resent us for ending up solely responsible for elderly parents?
They shouldn't! No matter how large of a family you come from one child usually takes on the majority of the responsibility. It may be due to geographic reasons, it may be differences of opinion, or it may be a family fallout. If you are an only you never have to worry about arguments over issues that may come up, and you will never be resentful if you are the one 'stuck' doing all of the work. Hopefully you as a parent get all of your ducks in a row and help make it easier.
What if you lose your only child…how would you go on?
I believe having two children for the sole purpose of a "spare" is a horrible idea. How would you even explain that to your children? I don't want to even imagine what it would be like to lose my child. I know I would absolutely fall apart. To lose my only would be devastating., but losing a child no matter how many babies you have would be just as devastating for the parents. Then there would be another person in the mix who also has to suffer a loss. Not to mention another child you have to care for during the most difficult time in your life. I personally could not care for another child after my world was turned upside down like that. I would never be the same again. My second child would have to morn the loss of a sibling AND the mother that she once had because I would probably be a walking zombie for who knows how long. With my only child I will never have to worry about her losing a sibling. I will never have to worry about taking care of a child after losing another, or losing more than one, so I really don't see the benefit with having another child in for this reason.
Are you, or were you, bothered by being an only child?
I have never been bothered by my "only child" status. I am grateful for it :)
Most of the time I didn't think about it. I was friends with other only children so I didn't feel I was different for not having siblings. Once in a while I had to deal with someone who didn't like the fact that I was an only and had preconceived notions of how I would behave. I was such a good kid! Honestly, I never gave my parents any real trouble. I did my chores, saved up my allowance to buy something I really wanted, took excellent care of my things, did well in school, never snuck out.
Now I think more about being an only it...but in a good way. I like talking to people about it and explaining that it isn't a negative thing at all. No one should feel bad, or worry, or have a child just to provide a sibling.
If I had siblings I could have never have been involved in as many activities, could never have gone to the university of my choice, would never have met my dh, would never have had my daughter....and would probably be wondering if it was alright to have an only child myself ;) I have no reservations about our decision to have an only child...absolutely none. |
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PLEASE VISIT THE CONTRIBUTOR'S WEBSITE
Only Children
Learn what it's like to be & have an only.
www.squidoo.com/only_children
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This intel was contributed by Christene
Christene
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May, 2012
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